Kirbies! The Musical
by The Moonshoe Mafia
Summary: A New Kirbish Rebellion fic When Pika defects and places himself under the command of a certain Traitor, mayhem ensues. But not just any mayhem. Musical mayhem! Written as a script. Rated for language. On Hiatus.
1. In Which Pika Fights the Council

**Cast of Characters: **

Moonshae Kirby, _Surrogate Leader of the NKRU _

Solo Kirby, _a Council Member _

Odd Shaped Kirby "Oddski", _a Council Member _

Mafia Kirby, _a Council Member _

Lemon Pegging Kirby "Lady Lemons", _a Council Member_

The Subcouncil (Mexxi, Tango, Kitty, Ratchet and Garlic'd)

Red Stained Kirby "Aress", _in love with Majinn _

Majinn Kirby, _in love with Aress _

The Deii Ex Machinae (EEK, Farmer, Nightmare), _Kirbish angels _

A Chorus of Kirbies

Dragon, _the Leader of the Antis and a renegade Kirby _

Pika Kirby, _a narcissistic troublemaker _

A Chorus of Antis

* * *

**Scene One:** _The curtain opens on the common room of the NKRU. PIKA is lounging on his favorite couch, which is the only one without any rips or spills on it. Some NEW RECRUITS are there as well, looking bored, terrified, or a combination of both._ _The COUNCIL is presumably in the next room over, as they are offstage. _

**Pika:** _(yawns)_

Damn Council.

**Recruit #1:**

What's taking them so long? Are they discussing something important?

**Pika:** _(guffaws)_

Important? Oh, hell no. Knowing them, they're probably discussing the chemical properties of Swiss cheese or something.

**Recruit #2: **_(confused)_

Why would they do that?

**Pika:**

Because they're the Council.

**Recruit #3:**

If they're the Council, why would they discuss something that stupid?

**Pika:**

It's what they do. _(The RECRUITS look blank.)_ God, you newfags are such morons. Don't you get it?

**Recruits:**

No. Tell us!

**Pika:**

Well…_(sings) _

I do believe there is a curse on the NKRU

A curse shall surely bring a hearse, I'm looking out for you!  
A second guild, a simple freezing, IP banning everywhere.  
Or a total systems failure I'd accept with some despair.  
But no, we've been sent COUNCIL, I ask you, was that fair?

I may lack my humility on the NKRU

But at least I do my best... What else can I do?  
If you don't want to see a banning at the hands of TNT

If you don't want the guild to be split in two or three

Then I tell you, we must DO IT!  
Don't hear Council, just hear me...

For they piddle, twiddle, and resolve,  
Not one damn thing do they solve!  
Piddle, twiddle, and resolve...

Nothing's ever solved

By the cold, corrupt, callous, crying, CRAZY... Kirbish Council.

They may sit here for years and years in the Basilica

Just like the bloody Congress in Philadelphia!  
They can't agree on what is right and wrong

Or what is good or bad

I'm convinced

The only purpose that this Council ever had

Was to gather here, once a week

To drive us Kirbies mad!

You see, they piddle, twiddle, and resolve

Not one damn thing do they solve!  
Piddle, twiddle, and resolve

Nothing's ever solved with the Cold, corrupt, callous, crying, CRAZY…  
Kirbish Council!

**Moonshae: **_(bursts in)_  
For God's sake, shut him up!

**Pika:**  
Oh, fuck you!

**Lemons:** _(Enters stage right, clearly trying to keep calm.)_  
Pika, Pika, can't you shut your mouth for once? _(PIKA makes a rude hand gesture) _Pika!

**Pika: **_(Spoken)_  
Ha! Poor stupid Lemons, you underestimate me!

**Lemons: **_(Spoken)_  
But you're no better than any other Kirby, to be mouthing off to me that way. I have better things to be doing than policing you.

The Council needs to bring about a state of stability

Then we need to take care of

The uprising of Antis!  
SPK has dysentery

Gunslinger keeps turning blue

Farmer died of measles

And EEK was killed by flu

Then this revolt of Antis!

**Pika: **

Okay, bitch, what else is new?

_(Spoken) _

Lemons, I believe that I did tell you that Oddski has been undoubtedly and permanently a plague upon the Kirbish Rebellion. I told you to get the council to vote on the matter of her removal. Now, have you done as I asked?

**Lemons: **_(Spoken) _

No, Pika, I have not.

**Pika:** _(Spoken) _

Why have you not?

**Lemons:** _(Spoken) _

Because you neglected to tell us how Oddski has abused her power.

**Pika:** _(Spoken) _

By removing my legitimate signature, of course!

**Lemons: **_(rolls her eyes) _

Oh, of course.

**Pika: **_(missing the sarcasm) _

Will it be done, then?

**Lemons: **_(spoken) _

I'm afraid we have a more urgent problem, Pika.

**Pika: **_(Nastily) _

More _urgent,_ "Lady" Lemons?

**Lemons: **

There's one thing that the Council's missed that's causing us to fight.  
Don't smirk at me, you egotist. You simply aren't right!  
We've been speaking and protesting and we just cannot decide

On the question of the Zorrens, if they are or are not right.  
We will not discuss Oddski, until we can decide.

**Pika: **_(angry) _

Zorrens, bitch? Oddski!

**Lemons: **_(calmly) _

Zorrens.

**Pika: **_(pissed off) _

Oddski.

**Lemons: **_(annoyance is creeping into her voice) _

Zorrens.

**Pika: **_(furious) _

Oddski!

**Lemons: **_(riled) _

Zorrens!

**Pika: **_(yelling) _

ODDSKI!

**Lemons: **_(screaming) _

ZORRENS!

**Pika: **_(Roaring) _

ODDSKI!

**Lemons:** _(after a dramatic pause) _

**_Zorrens. _**

**Pika: **_(grumbling) _

Agreed, Lemons, Agreed.

**Lemons: **_(forced pleasantry) _

Agreed, Pika, agreed.

**Moonshae: **

Right, then. Lemons, back to the meeting. Pika, aren't you supposed to be watching these new recruits?

**Pika: **_(sarcastically respectful) _

Yes, your Ladyship. Will you requiring anything else before you go back to the all-important meeting? A glass of Vin Santo, perhaps? A complete mopping of the NKRU? Your skirt mended? A foot massage?

**Moonshae: **_(ignoring the sarcasm) _

Yes, thank you. Vin Santo would be lovely, and several of the rooms do need to be mopped. I'm sure one of the recruits has some sewing talent, but you can hold off on the foot massage. Thanks for asking. _(MOONSHAE and LEMONS walk offstage, PIKA staring after them in utter shock. End of Scene One.) _

* * *

**Moonshae's Note: **Each scene is a chapter long. The songs in the scene are generally parodies of well-known songs, though some may be original. The song parodied in this chapter was "Piddle, Twiddle, and Resolve" from 1776. Hope you enjoyed this scene. 


	2. In Which Many People Sing

**Moonshae's Note: **From here on out, the start of a song will be labeled. Free cookies to anyone who can guess which song "ZL Speaks" is a parody of. And sorry about the inconsistent spacing, the Document Manager does that to us.

* * *

**Scene Two: **_The meeting hall. There is a table in the centre. MAFIA and ODDSKI are sitting at the table. ODDSKI is reading a note and looking extremely angry. MAFIA looks quite expressionless. MOONSHAE storms in stage right, with LEMONS trailing behind. MOONSHAE is far too agitated to sit down, while LEMONS nervously takes her seat.)_

_(Begin "ZL Speaks") _

**Moonshae:  
**Mystery  
On a Kirbish raid  
I'm hearing, "Mystery,  
and it's been well played"  
"Mystified!"  
All the Kirbies say,  
"We are mystified—  
We suspect foul play!"  
The Zorren threat seems to return  
How long 'til our guild doth burn?  
Still, at least  
We have our fun  
Pika's not the only one.

**Mafia:  
**What a way to  
Run the Kirbies!  
I thought my  
Promotion'd be of use!  
Half your raids made a mess  
And the guild's depressed...  
Balderdash!  
To hell with all our planning  
Now I'm scanning for a  
Place to find a rest!

**Oddski:  
**Off topic!  
Pika makes me mad!  
We are OFF topic—

**Mafia:  
**Oddski, yes he's bad!  
But the anti raids!  
They're the problem here!  
All the anti raids!

**Oddski:  
**But he called me queers-  
**Moonshae:** _(Interrupts impatiently)_  
Oddski  
Is that what to do?  
These problems affect others, too.

**Oddski:** _(Sticks her tongue out at MOONSHAE before pulling a note out of her pocket)_  
"Dear Oddski  
You are a hypocrite  
Gambling simply ain't to blame!  
I would not be upset  
If you'd just forget  
Your password  
You're a plague on the Kirbies  
And as Kirbies we must  
All object to Smerd!

**Moonshae: **_(Rolls her eyes and reads a note she'd secreted in her cloak)  
_"Dear Moonshae, you act so regal  
All you are's a regal bitch!  
How on Earth you attained  
The height of your fame  
Is beyond me  
Don't arouse my anger

That's the danger

You'll find yourself in a ditch!"

**Mafia: **_  
_Who would have the gall to send these?

**Moonshae: **  
Someone with an Anti's brain!

**Lemons:  
**These are both signed "ZL".

**Oddski: **_(muttering)  
_Pika, go to hell!

**Moonshae, Lemons, Mafia, Oddski: **_(sudden realization)  
_Zorren Leader!

**Moonshae:  
**It's nothing short of shocking!

**Lemons:  
**He is mocking our position!

**Mafia:  
**In addition, he's a bastard!

**Oddski: **_(still muttering)  
_Stopping Pika is my mission.

**Moonshae:  
**To expect that we would answer!

**Mafia and Lemons:  
**I'd bet my pants, sir!

**Oddski, Moonshae, Mafia, Lemons:  
**Pika is/He is clearly quite insane!

**Solo:  
**Where is he?

**Oddski: **_(hopeful)_  
Do you mean Pika?

**Solo:  
**No, Zorren Leader  
Where is he?

**Moonshae:  
**Well, how should we know?

**Solo:  
**I want an answer -  
I take it that he sent me this note?

**Mafia:  
**Oh, not another...  
**Oddski:  
**It's Pika!  
_(beat)_  
It's just a thought.

**Solo:  
**We have no clue, then?

**Lemons:  
**Of course not!

**Oddski:  
**We're in the dark . . .

**Solo:  
**Oh, please, don't argue -  
Isn't this the letter he wrote?

**Mafia:  
**And what is it, that he's meant to have wrote?

**Moonshae: **_(hisses)_  
Written !

**Solo: **_(Reads from her note)_  
"You must fear for your Kirbies.  
The Angel of Death  
Dogs your every step  
Make no attempt to escape my wrath."  
_(The COUNCIL looks outraged.)_  
If he didn't write it, who did?

**Pika: **_(bursting in accompanied by two RECRUITS)_  
Where is she?

**Oddski:  
**Get out of here!

**Pika:  
**Your precious Oddski -  
where is she?

**Solo:  
**What is it now?

**Pika:** _(To Oddski)_  
I have your PM -  
a PM which I rather resent!

**Moonshae:** _(To Oddski)_  
And did you send it?

**Oddski:  
**Of course not!

**Mafia:  
**As if she would!

**Pika:  
**You didn't send it?

**Mafia:  
**Of course not!

**Lemons:** _(reenters the conversation)_  
What's going on . . .?

**Pika:  
**You dare to tell me,  
That this is not the letter you sent !

**Lemons:  
**And what is it that she's meant to have sent?

**Pika:** _(Coughs loudly, than reads)_  
"Your days as the NKRU troublemaker are numbered.  
A new Kirby will be taking over that role tonight.  
Be prepared—

_(MAFIA and LEMONS go into laughing fits)_  
--for a great misfortune,  
Should you attempt to keep your place."

**Council: **_(after a pause to regain their poise)_  
Far too many notes for our taste -  
And all of them to cause trouble!  
It would seem this meeting  
Is now ZL's thing... _(The SUBCOUNCIL enters quietly) _

**Mexxi: **_(despairingly) _

ZL has returned.

**Tango: **_(also despairingly) _

It means the beginning of a war, as far as we're concerned.

**Moonshae: **

Where precisely is he now?

**Kitty: **

We just know he's not alone.

**Ratchet: **

He's got a horde.

**Oddski: **

Should we attack?

**Garlic'd: **

I do not think that would be wise.

**Council: **

Should we fight?

Should we fight?

**Mexxi: **

Here, we have a note.

**Council: **

Let us see it!

**Moonshae: **_(spoken, she is irked) _

Please. _(She takes the note and opens it.) _

**A Sinister Voice: **_(reading the note) _

Kirbies, I have now sent you several notes of a hostile nature.

Detailing exactly my feelings for your organization.

I see you do not care for my opinion.

I shall give you one last chance.

_(sings) _

Pika Kirby is amongst your number

And I am anxious he should be removed

After your council meeting tonight

You will henceforth eject him from your forces

And give him to me instead!

The role which a Kirby plays calls for fun, but respect

The role which a Zorren plays

Is that of a Kirbish enemy

And reject!

_(spoken) _

I have my ways of knowing exactly whether or not you have followed my instructions.

Should you dare to dismiss me, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur.

I remain, Kirbies, your favored enemy,

ZL.

_(End song.) _

**Moonshae: **_(takes her seat and plays with her hair distractedly) _

Well, this is a quandary.

**Pika: **_(clearly nervous) _

You're not actually thinking about giving me to ZL, are you?

**Oddski: **_(malevolently) _

Not all of us are thinking about it. Some of us have already decided.

**Pika: **

Shut the fuck up.

**Oddski: **

See what I mean?

**Mafia: **_(he catches ODDSKI's eye and nods, then speaks to the council at large though clearly concealing a hidden meaning to his words) _

All ZL wants is one Kirby. If he gets that one, we won't have to deal with another Zorren War.

**Pika: **_(incredulously) _

You'd give me up to ZL for the _greater good? _

**Lemons: **_(amiably) _

Precisely.

**Pika: **_(hysterically) _

You're fucking insane!

**Solo: **

Perhaps. Subcouncil, if you will kindly see to his removal…

**Pika: **

NO! _(PIKA starts babbling frantically as the SUBCOUNCIL and the two RECRUITS drag him offstage. The meeting resumes as the curtain falls. End of Scene Two.) _


End file.
